Peace Corps Decisions (Decisions, Decisions!)

I remember when I made decisions on a whim, when choosing whether to stay or go, or curl up on the sofa and read or go out and eat could be decided in one single instant. Now, here in Peace Corps Guatemala where things are not always so cut-and-dry, I find myself pausing at even the smallest choices. Like:

Should I open the window? 

If I open the window, I'll get wonderful fresh air to stave off whatever smell is coming from my kitchen. On the other hand, if I open the window, all the black flies will creep in, and I'll spend the better part of the night with my fly-swatter in hand.

Should I visit PCV friends in a town an hour away?

If I visit PCV friends in another town, I'll get rid of my boredom and also be able to catch-up. On the other hand, if I visit PCV friends in a town an hour away, I might miss the last micro back to my site and have to pay 125Q to get home.

Should I eat that delicious looking street food? 

If I eat the delicious-looking street food, it will taste good in my mouth. On the other hand, if I eat the delicious-looking street food, I might find myself in the bathroom for three hours.

Should I spend all day in my room on Sunday?

If I spend all day in my room on Sunday I can gossip with my sister on Skype and be lazy. On the other hand, if I spend all day in my room on Sunday, my host family might begin to ask me why I'm so sad "all of a sudden."

Yes, all of these things have happened to me, and it just goes to show that each small decision can have very interesting results. Have a good Sunday, y'all (I haven't left my room at all, today -- and I'm not too proud to admit it, lol!)

TRUE STORY

As I was prepping for a meeting, I got a little text message on Facebook from a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer in Country. After I asked how she was, she responded:

"I'm doing pretty okay although I'm at the Xela office because I had to poop in a cup today. But, I met a dude that said your site is one of the poorest places in Guatemala. I ran into a guy that served in Guatemala as PCV back in the 70's and he mentioned your site."

And that "guy" is right. My site is located in essentially one of the poorest places in Guatemala. I honestly don't know how some people survive here, sometimes. It's funny, because I was raised in one of the poorest places in the United States, so I thought I'd be a little less shocked by what I've seen. Still, reality has a way of showing us we still have a lot to learn.

Yet, some of the poorest places hold some of the most dedicated people -- like the new librarian in my town who walked through a storm to my house to ask for my help with getting things re-started. And though I know my experiences here may be quite challenging (in fact, the previous Volunteer wrote that figuring out how to actually do her job in a place that has little/unstable access to water - a main requirement of our job - was one of the biggest paradoxes she faced), I feel I will look back and have learned new things and at least helped some people.

But first I've got to stop writing and get this meeting prepped! ;)

First Week in Site

Yes, my first true week in site is over...and I must say, I had a blast. I freaked out a little bit because I felt a little isolated from my closest PCV Training buddies, and then I got over that and got straight to work. 

The first day I got into site, I arrived after an afternoon of traveling up and down and around windy mountainsides, and all I wanted to do when I got in was sleep forever. No such luck -- which was actually my fault; before I set off to site Peace Corps told me to sleep in the car, "because everyone will be wanting to talk with you." 

As soon as I got settled, my host sister told me to put on my shoes...to go play basketball. Now, anyone who knows me understands that while I may love to watch basketball, I'm not the greatest player. However, when you've got a good two inches on nearly everyone else, it suddenly doesn't seem so difficult. I always had a sneaky suspicious that LeBron and Shaq (due to their being giants among men) have an unfair advantage, and now I know this to be true. Our team won, so we were treated to orange juice on the side of the road. Delicious. 

The next morning, I presented myself to a group of about 40 teachers. It was nerve wracking but I jumped in and did it, Spanish mistakes and all. There was a USAID literacy training going on after my speech, so I decided to stay and earn a little bit of confianza from the teachers. I'm not sure if I did, but after two hours of training, I decided it was a good enough try ;)

My counterpart is the very busy superintendent of a very poor municipality in one of the poorest states within Guatemala. He's new to the job (this is his first year as the Superintendent), but it seems that he works hard, and that he is always extremely busy. I've spoken with some other PCVs, and they've said their counterparts are extremely friendly and are turning into friends...something I really hope does not happen in my case. In fact, it probably won't happen. My counterpart still has some machista tendencies (interrupting me, challenging my knowledge), so that has created a small sourness that I'm sure will last. <-- Peace Corps reality bomb right there! ;) 

I found out that I also have a second counterpart that works for a Spanish NGO here in Guatemala. He seemed energetic and cool, and I got a nice surprise when I found out two Spaniards also work at the NGO and will be here for two years as well. They warmed right up to me, gave me the Spanish beso and we've already had dinner and drinks together. Happy to have people my age around! 

Of course, I am still getting used to my site. There is really not much to do here, unless you count reading in a hammock on my roof a "riveting" option, but one bright spot has been the newly inaugurated library! The local librarian walked to my house during the first week (and after a storm, mind you) and asked me if I'd like to help with the library. She seems eager to learn, and even invited me to attend a USAID training in Antigua on how to form and maintain libraries. Peace Corps gave me special permission to go (since it is overnight during the week and out of site), and I am really happy to learn more about libraries. The librarian has a lot of great ideas, and as of now, we're just starting to put together the Library Committee (again.) We'll see how that goes!

This weekend I left site (gasp!) and traveled back to the site where I was placed during FBT. It was so nice to see everyone and to hang out, and to just have a little fun in Xela (the second biggest city in Guatemala.) Since I'm so far away and hadn't seen anyone, it felt like going to a reunion, even though most of them see each other at least once a week. Still, I've already got 4 or 5 visits to my site in the works, and I cannot wait for them to experience a very isolated part of Guatemala.

Well, that is it for now. I need to get ready for the USAID training and also waste a little bit of time on the internet. I hope I have more to share later!

BTW, have you noticed how horrible my writing has become? I shudder to think what my blog will look like in 2 years! ;)

YES!

Just got news that my friend has had a change of heart. Apparently  after speaking with many more people (outside of Administration) he has been given the support he needs to be a successful Volunteer. I am so freaking happy right now!

Machismo in Guatemala

A Peace Corps Volunteer from my training class recently wrote about a couple of experiences she has had with machismo within Guatemala. She works in the Maternal and Child Health sector and has much more intimate contact with Guatemalan women than I at this moment. Please check out her stories here; be warned: some are graphic and eye-opening.

While everyday street harassment is the most common form of machismo here in Guatemala (that and women being expected to serve and clean up after men), I do have one story to share about machismo here in my site: 

Yesterday evening, as I was relaxing in my room, my host abuela, a strong K'iche' woman taking care of a multi-generational family by herself, stopped by and chatted with me a bit. We reached the subject of family, and she asked if I was married. When I told her "no", she gave me the biggest smile and said, "Good. Because once you're comprometida (engaged/promised), you can't go anywhere anymore."

In that moment I almost cried because to her, marriage equals the loss of whatever little freedom a woman of her culture is afforded. This mentality is propagated by many different actors in Guatemala (from religious organizations, to men, to the women themselves), and it's just so hard to not feel a pit of sadness and rage. I am so lucky to be who I am, and to be from a place where I can do essentially whatever I want. Marriage or not.

My First Mass in Guatemala

I don't like to write about religion on the blog because 1. the government I work for has told me it's a "no, no" and 2. I always end up offending at least one person based on my non-belief. That said, I do feel it necessary to describe my first mass here in Guatemala. 

I avoided going to mass with my previous 9-week training host family because they never really went to mass and, to be completely honest, I didn't feel the need. But, as I now live in a smaller town, one that is much more religious than where I used to live, I felt the need to show my face at mass at least once. 

It was a typical mass, except the men and women were split on either side of the room, and there was much more kneeling than in the masses I've attended in the States and elsewhere. The mass was normal length (roughly an hour) and at the end, they said prayer in K'iche', the local language. Of course, there were tithes and it made me extremely uneasy and uncomfortable to see obviously impoverished people putting in the equivalent of a day's work in the pot. Sigh. I won't go further with that line of thought, even though I could rant for hours on the subject.

Being a...let's say a friend of Hitchens, Dawkins, and Harris is very difficult here in Guatemala. I often end up outright lying about my actual (non) beliefs. It comes with the territory, and I never feel guilty, even though I may be uncomfortable.

I accept any goodwill that any one may send me, and I felt this particular goodwill when my family initiated a K'iche' ceremony on my behalf. The ceremony was one of protection, and I didn't even know it was going on until I walked outside my room and saw candles all over the house. Unfortunately I had to hurry off to a meeting, so I couldn't stay, but later the women of the house explained that they were asking Mother Earth to protect me and to bless me in the house. 

I may not believe in any of it, but as long as no one is telling me I'm a "sinner", it's all good ;)

Isolated, but Not Giving Up

So. I had an entire post written up basically complaining about the fact that I'm isolated, that I have no site mates, that the nearest Volunteer is leaving in July and is two-years into his service (and doesn't seem to interested in chillin' with a newbie), that my town only has 2,000-odd people and no place to buy food, and blah, blah, blah. 

But as I was writing that post, one of my closer Peace Corps buddies called me and started talking about how she didn't know what to do because she was bored. How her sites mates left because they've actually got things to do, how she was just going to walk to a comedor to grab something to eat because she didn't have  food. I realized a little bit that perhaps the grass was much more verde on the other side. 

We talked for a bit about how we both felt a little isolated and how we didn't know what to do with ourselves, and then we laughed over what we would have been doing if we were at home on a Friday night. Happy Hour? Yes, please! 

After talking a bit more, I told her to call to check on a mutual PCV friend of ours from our training class that was having a bit of a rough time since arriving to site, and when she called me back, she delivered the sad news: our friend is resigning from Peace Corps. Our little group had been going back and forth talking him down and offering him alternatives and solutions, but in the end, he did what was best for him. And I know making that decision must have been extremely hard.

I called him and let him know that we supported him and wished him well. We spent hours chatting on the phone and on Facebook. I really do wish him well. Sometime I feel really strange wishing someone well after such a short time together, but Peace Corps creates friendships in mere days. We're all going through the same craziness, so we're bound to get close.

Inspired by my friend's decision to actually take matters into his own hands, I called up the Spanish couple I met yesterday (apparently they will be working for two years with the same NGO I am collaborating with) and asked them to head off to the neighboring big town (45 minutes away) me for lunch.

"Claro que sí! Con mucho gusto," was the response.

Fuck isolation. Fuck loneliness.

ARRIVAL TO SITE!

I just arrived to my two year site, and luckily my Tigo mobile internet stick works! My "family" seems nice (if a bit unreadable), and my "room" is more like a studio apartment (including separate kitchen area and bathroom.) It's on the top floor all by itself and leads out to a rooftop patio that I share with the family. I feel pretty lucky with my set-up! Tomorrow work starts bright and early at 8am, as I have to go to a teachers' meeting to introduce myself and figure out this lovely town. I'm still a bundle of nerves, excitement, and full-on exhaustion, but we'll see if I can end the week strong!

The Blog Post to Rule Them All

What can I say? I've been a very busy lady. Between visiting my school and giving a mini-charla to the teachers there, receiving my site (OMG) and Swearing In, there hasn't been much time for me to write. But as I have just finished packing up my room in preparation for the big move to my two-year site, I've discovered I have a little down-time I can take to write an update!

MINI CHARLA

The mini-charla my team put on weeks ago went exceptionally well! I felt confident in my Spanish skills, confident in my knowledge of the material, and the team I work with is so laid-back, it didn't feel like actual work.

The teachers at the charla really enjoyed themselves and were very receptive to the material. After the charla, we went back a week later and dropped off some pens, paper and other materials that had been donated to Peace Corps.

Peace Corps usually isn't into just "giving things out", but we figured it was a great display of our mutual understanding, as we basically did spend  months using their school as a training base camp of sorts. 

SITE PLACEMENT

The day we dropped off the materials was also the day I received my SITE! I expected receiving our site would have been more...interesting and fun, but they basically just handed us a drab manila envelope with our site map and site information inside. I was pretty disappointed that something so momentous was treated with almost nonchalance, but I surmise Administration wanted to make it as clean a process as possible. 

When I got my site information I immediately started grinning. It was a relief to finally end all of the speculation and second-guessing! Then, after I started hearing the sites of others (my FBT site-mate got placed exactly where she wanted, and there are certain areas that are chock-full of Volunteers roughly 30 minutes to an hour apart) I started to feel unsure about my site. I became a little dispirited after learning about some of the challenges my site presents, but after speaking with my Project Managers and the Volunteer who actually lived in my site, I feel much better!

Unfortunately due to security reasons, I cannot tell you the exact location, but I can say...it's not Chimaltenango! For all my posturing and over-analyzing, I was completely wrong. My site is still a bit of a mystery to me, and it is far from the people I've become closest to (between 3 and 4 hours away) during Training. Several of us have already made plans to visit each other after a couple of months (I am going to watch a couple Volunteers run in the Antigua half-marathon), so hopefully I won't lose the friendship momentum I feel I have gained since arriving in Guatemala.

I am going to be living...somewhere on this map!

 The past Volunteer wrote a wonderful Close of Service Report that has really helped me understand a great deal about her/my site, and I have also heard from several current Volunteers that the site is actually pretty fabulous. I also know that my host family is very interesting in that I'll be living with a mother, her daughter (who is around my age), a son, a niece, and five other teachers who work in neighboring schools. I will have my own room, in which the previous Volunteer has left many things (I am so lucky!), and my own bathroom. Unfortunately, there is no hot water, but I'll make due. That's Peace Corps, right? My site is basically 3-4 hours away from many of my sites of interest, but as the previous Volunteer put it: it is nice because it's definitely a more remote site, but still very accessible. That really sounds like a perfect mix of what I'd like. I'm sorry I cannot more specific, but anyone can read this blog, so...better safe than sorry ;) 

SWEARING IN

Before swearing in, we had our LPI (Language Proficiency Interview) results as well as created our self-study plan for Spanish language. I tested at Advanced High, which means that Peace Corps basically wants me to get to the Superior (non-native Fluent) level by the end of my two years. I think it's...possible, but I will also be living in a site where its members' first language is not Spanish. Either way, I hope to learn more about indigenous languages and maintain my current Spanish level.

After, we had a small break and then our SWEARING IN ceremony!

Everyone looked so spiffy and nicely dressed (we clean up nice, y'all!) The Ambassador was there, as was a representative from USAID. Our Country Director made a speech. We took the oath and someone's cell phone went off during our words, which pissed me the hell off. On a really positive note, the Volunteer elected to make our speech did an excellent job, and I am very proud that she was able to represent us in a way that honored each of our contributions (and future contributions) to Guatemala and Peace Corps. After officially becoming Volunteers, we had tea, coffee and sweets. Then a pizza lunch. Then we got back to business and had a general Peace Corps session about Volunteer life that no one really wanted to attend. 

We tried to be gracious about it, and I was pleased that those leading the session didn't judge our tiredness and lack of true participation (and our group is really known for it's great participation) too harshly. As with receiving our sites, I suppose I had this grand idea about what should happen. I expected more fan-fare, but am more or less certain Administration is trying to keep it as clean and simple as possible.

NEXT STEPS

Tomorrow we meet our contrapartes, the Superintendents and Health Post workers with whom we'll work for the next two years. I have to give a presentation (with another Volunteer) to all of the contrapartes explaining exactly what we will be doing with them, and what our exact duties will be once we are in-site. It is supposed to be 10-20 minutes, so I hope we get it done quickly and cleanly. Then I forsee a (awkward) lunch where we will talk one-on-one with our contraparte and do some sort of resume swap. It should be interesting. I'm putting on my power suit and hoping to put my best foot forward.

So, that's about it for now. If you made it this far, congrats for reading this really huge post! Next stop: MY SITE!

SITE PLACEMENTS

Today at 3PM we will find out where we will be placed for our 2 year sites!

Update to come soon!

The Baile

On Thursday we had our "baile" where we learned how to reject unwanted advances and how to practice RADAR. Then we spent half an hour "dancing" Salsa. For most of us, it looked like this:

A Post With Pictures? Sí!

As far as PST (Pre-Service Training) goes...it's going. I know all of our sessions are totally necessary, but the constant presentations on topics that seem very common-sense to me are starting to wear me down a little bit.

I love getting in the communities and doing the charlas, meeting different people, and actually visiting different places in Guatemala, but as of late we've not been doing much of that -- though we did have a chance to spend 5 days out of our training sites during Field Based Training

FBT was pretty awesome. Another Peace Corps Trainee and I traveled to a neighboring department (Quetzaltenango) and stayed with a current Volunteer to see exactly what Peace Corps life entails.

She was pretty spectacular, and I felt extremely lucky to be placed with her because not only was she extremely accommodating, she brought her site mate along so that we might have someone else to glean information from as well.

The night of our arrival, we made vegan salad (complete with olives and lentils), homemade hummus, and (of course) finished with red wine. Later, we listened to Bluegrass, chatted about Guatemala and generally relaxed until it was time for bed.

The next morning after an awesome breakfast, we worked with her Girls' group, which was so fun! Since FBT took place a week after St. Patrick's Day, we all dressed in green and put on a small skit about Leprechauns and gold coins.

Since the two current Volunteers we were staying with were Food Security and Healthy Homes, we hiked about the cerro and did a couple house visits and met with some of the families.We also stopped by the health center where not one but TWO babies were being born. As the doctor came out to greet us, my fellow trainee and I nearly burst out laughing -- we are so not as important as a woman giving birth! That night...well, all I can say is that we had a wonderfully delicious time eating great food and meeting new people. Sorry, I can't say more than that! ;)

As I said before, PST is going...and going, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Next Thursday we have our site placements! On Monday, we had our site placement interviews, where our Program Directors sat down with an essay we'd written (about our ideal placement) and talked us through some of their ideas. 

I, for one, was very clear about having a professional relationship with my CTA (the superintendent of schools in whichever municipality I will be placed) and that I be placed in an indigenous area that was not too large.

I also expressed an interest in clustering (being with PCVs in different programs that are also working in Guatemala.)

In my heart of hearts, I'd love to be clustered in Totonicapán or Quetzaltenango...but after my interview, I'm pretty sure I know what my Directors have in mind: I'm to possibly work with another Peace Corps Volunteer who is new to development in general, and who perhaps wants to take a little time in the first month to get acclimated to the working environment here in Guatemala. I was also asked what I felt about having a practically non-existent CTA and what I thought about living in a very...large town (I've pegged that this larger town will most likely somewhere in Chimaltenango.)

To be honest, this situation is definitely not my first choice, but I am just grateful and happy to be here. I know I can handle these challenges, and I know that my Directors know my personality and understand my capabilities. My future is in their hands...a statement that is very hard for me to make, but very true nonetheless. I just have to live and let go.

This is Peace Corps. Tomorrow is yet another day-long session at the PC Guatemala main office, I can't say that I am excited, but at least there's good coffee and a plethora of a great food to eat! And again, this is Peace Corps...you never know what tomorrow may bring!

Feliz Semana Santa!

-"But it's Holy Week! It's a sin!"
-"They don't even talk about us in the Bible, asshole!"

Sometimes You Gotta Get On That Horse

Being from Ohio, there's not much in the way of mountain climbing. We've got great parks, and I've spent hours and days hiking through forests, exploring caves, and gently paddling down quiet rivers. I did manage to get a bit of practice mountain climbing in Chile and Argentina, scaling both Volcán Villarica and hiking through parts of the Andes, but it's been years since my feet have touched the sandy, dust-like terrain some volcanoes offer. As a result, when I hiked up Volcán Pacaya yesterday morning, I must admit -- I was a bit out of shape!

I started off okay; the bones were creaking a little bit, but the incline wasn't too steep and I felt great! After about 25 minutes or so, I started to slow a little bit. Behind me, a group of guys with horses cajoled us, "Hey, don't you want a little horse? There's 5 kilometers left! It's only going to get steeper from here!"

At first, I was pissed. I'd been walking with another PCT who complained about her "smokers lungs" and I was trying to keep her motivated. Having the horse whisperers behind me made it harder to keep her (and my) spirits strong. 

One of the men was especially annoying. He pinpointed the PCT I was with and focused on wearing her down with his "5 kilometers more" mantra. Finally, I turned to him and put my fingers to my lips to say, "shut your mouth." He got the picture and his friends burst out laughing. He only shrugged  and followed steadily behind our group. And I fumed a bit, wanting him to shove off and leave us alone.

But 20 minutes later, I started to think about those damned horses! My legs were aching, my breath gone, and the pack on my shoulders felt hundreds of pounds heavier than when I first began the trek. I imagined myself with the breeze in my hair, the warmth of the horses body soothing my achy thighs, and how great I would feel once I was seated.

But I shook it off, took a swig of some pre-made Gatorade and kept going. That is, until I saw two other PCTs sitting proudly upon their horses. They were snapping pictures and laughing in that relieved, happy way that sent a pang of envy through my exhausted body. I reasoned with myself, "It's not worth it -- 100 quetzales to ride a horse up the side of a volcano? Don't be lazy!" And as I approached the horseback PCTs, this reasoning nearly worked until they shared they'd knocked the price down to 30 quetzales. Less than 5$. Even on a PCT's budget, it was a steal.

So I smiled sheepishly to the PCT I was with, then took the deal. She soon followed. And as soon as we sat upon our horses, she whispered to me, "Thanks for getting on the horse. I'm glad you did this with me."

She'd wanted to get on the horse long before. But either because I was pushing her, or because the rest of the group was moving on, she was hesitant to ask. It was then that I realized, chuta! Sometimes you need to take a break. You don't have to go with the crowd, you don't need to be the fastest or strongest. Sometimes you just need to get on the horse.

And because I got on that horse, I had a wonderful conversation with the PCT I was with, and we actually bonded more than we would have had we struggled up Pacaya.

And just a note, about 15 minutes later, we got off those horses, re-energized, and finished the rest of the hike (25 minutes more) on foot ;)

My Response When A Bolo* Whispers "Mi Morenita Rica" As I Walk By Him...

 

 (*Bolo = Drunk)